As names of medical conditions go, "swimmer's ear" doesn't sound too serious or scary. If you have never suffered from it or heard much about it, you might think it a cute name for a minor ear problem that one encounters when spending too much time playing in the pool. Swimmer's ear?! What kind of pansy condition is that?! I imagine little kids getting it and maybe they suffer some mild form of pain that is more annoying that genuinely painful.

Ahem.

Then I contracted swimmer's ear - in both ears. Not too cool. For 3 days, I had pain in my jaw which made opening my mouth less than pleasant. Chewing food was torture. Yawning was nightmarish. Had the discomfort stopped there, I would've been fine; ibuprofen was able to dampen the pain sufficiently. Unfortunately, this was just a mild preview of what was to come. After giving it a few days, I went to my doctor's office and was told I had swimmer's ear. I was given some antibiotic drops for the infection and some other drops for the pain (which were utterly impotent - they were nothing more than a topical anesthetic of sorts).

The next day was when the fun began. I spent the better part of 36 hours writhing from intense pain that merely laughed at the 800 milligrams of ibuprofen I was taking. Once the pain set in, I couldn't believe the doctor didn't give me any prescription painkillers - either they are worried that I am going to be addicted or they are some sort of masochists and wanted me to suffer horribly.

So, the harsh reality is that this innocuous-sounding condition should strike fear in anyone diagnosed with it; the intense and unforgiving pain of this beast is a menace not to be underestimated. Don't fear the reaper, there are worse things to fear - despite how innocent they may sound.

 

I own and currently use a Motorola Q. Well, I haven't updated the software on this thing in a very long time and thought that I might as well check to see if such a thing even existed. Although I know plenty about JavaScript, C#, and other such and similar software engineering subjects, I am a complete ignoramus when it comes to mobile devices, largely because I barely use the one I have. My wife and I both have cell phones but barely use them - I usually only received phone calls from my wife on my phone. Other than that, the only other useful thing mine does is tell me the time.

So, I found an update on the Motorola website, went through the motions with it and it tells me there is an update available for my phone after all. So, I let this updater have its way with my phone for about 15 minutes, via the USB cable, and after all is said and done, I notice that it is in roaming mode.

Huh. Okay, what is that?

Then I discover that, according to the phone's settings, the phone thinks its phone number is "0000005303" which is completely incorrect.

Not good.

Sure enough, I try calling with it and it tells me I need to use a credit card, etc.

I accepted the idea that the update must've hosed the phone and that I would need to head into the Verizon store and spend the better part of my Saturday there in order to get this fixed...just lovely!

Thankfully, after a bit of googling around, I found a comment to a blog post that indicated that all I needed to do was dial *228 from my phone and then select option 1 when presented with that choice.

Sure enough, after about a minute waiting while the phone was reprogrammed over the air, my phone was back to normal and working. Hallelujah!

 

This blog has nothing to do with schizophasia, per se - I am taking license to use the term to loosely describe the way I blog; I will write about anything from software engineering to religion to food. Let's look at some definitions for schizophasia and why I think it appropriate for my blog's title (and, obviously, the domain name).

schiz·o·pha·sia (skĭt'sə-fā´zhə, -zē-ə)
n.
The characteristic disordered speech of a schizophrenic person. Also called word salad.

A subtle change renders:

The characteristic disordered blog posts of a schizophrenic person. Also called word salad.

I am also taking a bit of license with the definition of the word schizophrenic; I mean, these definitions really are rather subjective! How do you know I'm not schizophrenic?! Exactly. So just lay off me, huh? Besides, I am almost 100% certain that people close to me would be willing to go on record that I may be schizophrenic.

The following encyclopedic excerpt sheds more light:

In the mental health field, schizophasia, commonly referred to as word salad (see "word salad" for other meanings), is used to describe the symptom of confused, and often repetitious, language that is symptomatic of various mental illnesses. It is usually associated with a manic presentation and other symptoms of serious mental illnesses, such as psychoses, including schizophrenia.

"[C]onfused, and often repetitious?!" My wife would say that this is indicative of any conversation with me! As far as I can tell, I suffer from some form of schizophasia. Perhaps one of the large, horribly corrupt, pharmaceutical companies markets a pill for this? :P

Lastly:

Word salad is a string of words that vaguely resemble language, and may or may not be grammatically correct, but is utterly meaningless.

That sums up the content of what I will say on this blog; most of it will be words strung together into something utterly meaningless, notwithstanding its appearing to vaguely resemble language.

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Citations:

Definition (schizophasia): The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary. Retrieved April 16, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/schizophasia

Encyclopedia entry (schizophasia): Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved April 16, 2008, from Reference.com website: http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Schizophasia

Encyclopedia entry (word salad): Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved April 16, 2008, from Reference.com website: http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Word_salad